


Voices Carry

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Explicit Language, Gen, Humor, M/M, Parody, Sexual Content, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-18
Updated: 2006-07-18
Packaged: 2018-10-01 01:46:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10177844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Ron learns the hard way about why you should never eavesdrop on other people's conversations.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

**Title:** Voices Carry  
 **Author:** sparkin  
 **Rating:** M  
 **Fandom:** Harry Potter  
 **Pairing:** Harry/Severus (mistaken thoughts of Severus/Dumbledore)  
 **Genres:** Humour, Slash, Futurefic, AU   
**Warnings:** Sexual Situations, Adult language  
 **Summary:** Ron learns the hard way about why you should never eavesdrop on other people's conversations.  
 **Disclaimer:** JK Rowling is the master of the universe and I bow down before her infinite wisdom. She and her various publishers and Warner Bros. own everything. Also I do not own 'Til Tuesday or their song "Voices Carry." All I own is my pride (and that's open to negotiation.)   
**Author's Notes:** Half-Blood Prince? What Half-Blood Prince? Never happened. *sticks fingers in ears* Lalalalala! This story is dominated by gay themes and characters. If this makes you uncomfortable, do not read any further. Some of you may find the thoughts of Ron's mind to be a bit squick-erific. I know I did. Just wanted to warn you. Also, this is not beta'd.

**Voices Carry**

On the whole, Severus thought that the evening had gone fairly well. He had invited the Headmaster down to his rooms for dinner in order to ask the man a very important question. 

For nearly two years now, Severus had been secretly dating one Harry Potter. It had taken a long time for the two to finally get together. After the final battle against Voldemort the two had reached a tenuous truce: each would stay the hell out of each other's way. Then Dumbledore, the meddling old fool, had offered Harry a job as the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. Suddenly the two were being forced to see each other at meals, staff meetings, and a hundred other times throughout the day.

Then there were the awards ceremonies and balls. Harry was a hero for defeating Voldemort. Severus was a hero for protecting the Boy-Who-Lived from Death Eater attacks while Harry vanquished the Dark Lord. Endless dances, formal dinners, press conferences and awards ceremonies invitations hounded both men. No good deed ever goes unpunished. They managed to escape a lot of the invites because of their teaching schedules, but every once in a while Dumbledore would insist that they go and give paparazzi their photo opportunities. 

The first time that Severus had tried to hide in the coat room in order to escape the attention of the fawning politicians and the simpering trollops, he had been surprised to find it already occupied by Harry with a bottle of tequila. He made an excuse about needing something from his coat and quickly exited the coat room.

The second time this happened he just smirked and sat down on the other side of the room. The third time he down sat beside Harry and took a drink from Harry's bottle. By the eighth time they had a nice little routine worked out. After about half an hour of mingling, Harry would flirt with the bartender, snag a bottle of tequila from the bar while he was distracted, and head for the coat room. Severus would wait another half hour and then ask the bartender for the most complicated drink he could think of. While the bartender was busy with this, Severus would steal as many slices of lemon and lime as he could. Then he too would slip away and join Harry in the coat room. The lemon and lime were meant to garnish drinks, not to be used for tequila shots, and as such were cut into slices rather than wedges, but they worked well enough. Harry brought packages of salt in his coat pocket and retrieved them as soon as Severus joined him.

The unlikely pair would then proceed to get rip-roaringly drunk until such time as they could leave the event altogether. It was not friendship exactly, more like shared commiseration.

Which was why they found it extremely disconcerting when they went to one such function to discover that there was no coat room. Instead the coats were hung along one wall of the banquet room. The two exchanged a look a panic. Now what?

In the end, the two were forced to stay at the dinner for nearly four hours before they could escape. Severus had felt slightly put out that his plans with Harry had been thwarted. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone. So he even surprised himself when he asked Harry if the younger man would like to come back to his rooms for a drink.

Harry looked just as surprised when he accepted. They had spent the night talking about everything and everything. They continued to talk at subsequent events and slowly their meetings in the coat room became less about alcohol and more about friendship.

It had taken another three years for their friendship to develop into something more. At first they kept it a secret because they wanted to make sure of their own feelings before they told anyone else. Later it just seemed as though there was never a good time to tell people that you had been keeping your relationship a secret from them.

After two years as Harry's lover, Severus had decided that he wanted to make a commitment to their relationship. He wanted to ask Harry to marry him. Which brought him to tonight. Severus wanted to do this properly, so he was asking Dumbledore for his permission to marry Harry. With Harry's parents and godfather dead, Dumbledore was the closest thing to a father-figure that Harry had (unless you counted his muggle family, which Severus sure as hell didn't).

So he had spent the dinner explaining his relationship with Harry to Dumbledore and putting up with the Headmaster's infernal eye-twinkling. At last, Dumbledore had agreed to Severus' wish to ask Harry to marry him.

Now they were just cleaning up after the dinner. "An excellent dinner, Severus." Dumbledore said. "And I heartily approve of your proposition."

"I'm glad to hear it. I- Damn!" Severus had begun clearing the table and had accidentally knocked over a half-full wine glass. "I guess I'll just have to strip this off," he said, indicating the now ruined white tablecloth.

Dumbledore nodded and gave an affirmative noise. He looked over at the table saw that the bottle of wine was still half-full. He decided that he should probably put the cork back into the bottle so that Severus could save it for another time. He looked around and found the cork and began attempting to re-cork the bottle. Unfortunately, the cork was not co-operating. He began grunting with effort. The cork just did not want to go back in the bottle. It was ridiculous. He had defeated Gridewald. The most powerful wizard of his age would not be bested by a cork and a bottle of wine. He supposed that he could use magic to do it, but that would be against the principle of the thing.

Severus heard the grunting and looked behind him to see what was going on. "What are you doing back there?" he asked.

Dumbledore grunted some more then answered "I'm trying to get **this** ," he indicated the cork, "to go back in **there** ," he indicated the bottle.

Severus just shrugged and let the older man go back to it. He sometimes thought the Headmaster was crazy. Other times he knew for sure.

The grunting was beginning to get on his nerves, though. Finally, he asked "Do you want me to help with that?"

"No, no, my boy. I can do it." After a few more minutes of grunting Dumbledore said, rather crossly, "It's no good. The hole's just too small."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake!" Severus said exasperatedly, "It went in before, it must go in again now. Here let me try." With that, he snatched the cork and the wine bottle from the Headmaster's hands and tried to do it himself.

He suddenly found himself grunting with effort as well. At length he gave a triumphant yell "Ha! I got it in! Or at least halfway in, anyway."

Dumbledore snorted. "Halfway? What good is that? No, it has to be in all the way. Here, I'll push it in harder." He took the bottle back and tried to push cork in the rest of the way. More grunting ensued.

"I don't think it's working," Dumbledore huffed. "I guess I'll take it out and try again." He grunted some more, trying to pull the cork out. Finally he gave up and handed the bottle back to Severus. "I think it's stuck," he said simply.

Just then, a loud **_THUNK_** came from the other side of the door to Severus' rooms. Puzzled, and a little wary, Severus pulled out his wand and cautiously opened his door. On the other side he found the unconscious form of Ron Weasley sprawled out on the floor.

"What in the world?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ron Weasley hurried down the corridors of Hogwarts to the Potions Master's rooms in the dungeon. His son had developed colic and his wife, Hermione, had sent him to see if Snape had anything that could help. Between a screaming infant and a frazzled wife, Ron had jumped at the chance to get away, even for just a few minutes.

He was just outside Snape's rooms when he heard voices coming from inside. _That's odd. Severus always has silencing charms up,_ Ron thought to himself. _He must be extremely nervous or excited about something to have forgotten._

His curiosity piqued, Ron listened with interest. _It's not my fault that voices carry in these old dungeons,_ he reasoned. He could hear Snape and… was that Dumbledore? talking.

"An excellent dinner, Severus." Dumbledore said. "And I heartily approve of your proposition."

Ron snickered at the thought of Severus propositioning Dumbledore. _No, that's just my sick mind. They must be talking about something else,_ he mentally chastised. 

"I'm glad to hear it. I- Damn!" Ron heard Snape pause. "I guess I'll just have to strip this off." 

Ron blinked. _No, not a chance._ Then he heard Dumbledore give an approving noise. _Did Dumbledore just approve of Snape stripping?_

Then Ron heard grunting. _What the hell? Dumbledore and Snape??!! No. No. No. No way in hell._

Then he heard Snape ask "What are you doing back there?" _Jesus! What **is** Dumbledore doing behind Snape?_

More grunting, then Dumbledore answered "I'm trying to get this, to go back in there." _EW!!!_ Ron was going to be sick. _They really were… oh gross._

Dumbledore grunted some more and then Snape asked "Do you want me to help with that?" _Oh God._ Ron really needed to leave now. But his legs wouldn't move. _Stupid legs! Go! Now!_

"No, no, my boy. I can do it." Grunting. "It's no good. The hole's just too small." Ron nearly lost his lunch. _Maybe Hermione can obliviate me. But then she'd want to know why. Maybe I could obliviate myself. But then I might end up like Lockhart._

"Oh, for Merlin's sake! It went in before, it must go in again now. Here let me try." Ron shuddered. _I don't care if I end up like Lockhart. It'll be worth it to get rid of this memory._

Now Snape was grunting. "Ha! I got it in! Or at least halfway in, anyway." _Please, make it stop_ , he pleaded.

Dumbledore snorted. "Halfway? What good is that? No, it has to be in all the way. Here, I'll push it in harder." Ron felt the vomit at the back of his throat. _Oh God_ , Ron thought. _Poor Harry. Harry has been hinting for at least a year that he has feelings for Snape. He'll be devastated when he finds out that the greasy git is sleeping with Dumbledore. Dumbledore of all people! The guy is like 150 years old!_

"I don't think it's working," Dumbledore huffed. "I guess I'll take it out and try again." _Oh please no._

More grunting.

Then Ron heard Dumbledore say "I think it's stuck." _OH GOD! Please do not put that picture in my head!_ Suddenly Ron felt very weak and the ground was rushing up at him. Then everything was black.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When he came to, he found Dumbledore and Snape hovering over him. Dumbledore looked concerned, Snape just sneered.

"Are you alright, Mr. Weasley?" the Headmaster asked.

Ron blushed bright red, desperately trying not to think about what had just happened between the two other men. "Yeah, yeah. I'm alright. Fine! Brilliant, in fact. I, uh, I have to go. Bye!"

Ron ran out of the room as if the Voldemort himself were on his heels. One thing was for sure, he was never _**ever**_ going to listen in on another conversation in his life.

Dumbledore just watched with a perplexed expression as the red-head ran out of sight. "What do you suppose that was about?" he asked Severus.

Severus just sneered. "I couldn't tell you. I always thought there was something off about that one."

*Fin*


End file.
